An opening

image description: photograph of an orange sun setting just over a large lake or ocean. dark blue waves lap against an orange and pink sky.

content warning: mention of sexual violence

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I start in the third space between sleep and wake. I start in the trance state where I’m violated — not awake enough to remember, but not asleep enough to forget. The remembering pours out of my muscle cells and my jaw tightens. My core contracts and pulses rock me forward in my chair. This writing is embodied. In-bodied. In body.

This blog explores trauma, pain, and healing. It ambles towards dark parts of you, me, us. Dances and meets you there. Here we do the goddamned fucking thing — relieve and release pain. I share big gaping pieces of myself, and maybe you do too.

The point is freedom. From a life shadowed by places you can’t go, things you can’t do, people you can’t see. From a body-mind in constant overwhelm. From repeating the exact same shit with people who actually love you.

I’m glad you’re here.

The “Coyolxauhqui imperative”: a struggle to reconstruct oneself and heal the sustos [fright sickness] resulting from woundings, traumas, racism, and other acts of violation.” — Gloria Anzaldúa